Day 159 : 5 Months Later !

Observation : It doesn't matter how much time you spend ..

Illustration : It's not about the amount of time you spend thinking of a way to reach happiness ,, it's not about the millions of words you'll read searching for the way ..

Result : Unidentified search result ..

Conclusion : If you keep searching for your way to happiness , you'll never find it & if you encountered happiness on your path , you won't get the real sensation of it ...

I stopped blogging five months ago , as I started my own expedition of searching for the way of happiness . I spent the whole period investigating how do people value happiness , how do people react when they're happy  & more importantly how do people always search for happiness ( which was the same thing I was doing ) . Until I watched a TV Series episode that made me come up with the final answer to all the questions I've been having in mind for such a long time .
I remember that the dialogue clearly said :
" People get lost when they think of happiness as a destination ,,
Happiness is mood & It's a condition not a destination ; like being tired or  hungry , not permanent .
It comes and goes and that's ok . 
I think if people thought of it that way , they'll find happiness more often .
Happiness is a mood , not a destination . "    
It's completely true , I've been looking for this for too long and now it's stunningly obvious . It's definitely a mood , not a destination ; I was truly amazed when I kept rewinding this dialogue over and over again , and when I analyzed it I came up with this : If I had tried my best to sustain the mood of happiness when I had it , I wouldn't have spent such a long time searching for it ..

From now on ,
I'll try to keep myself happy with every single unit of energy I have .
I won't lose it again .. Whatever it takes ....

+ A Week ,, but still in Day 9 : The Tiny Door

Observation : You block your brain and only see the tiny door that gets you out ..

Illustration : Although you know that you won't get out soon ,, you think you're seeing the way out ..

Result : A Faulty Expectation ..

Conclusion : A dead end with nothing to lift you up , DISASTROUS SHOCK !

For the past 7 days I've been wondering around , working , studying , sleeping , ...... etc . putting in mind that in the upcoming near future I'll be done . I'll be done with the worries in mind ,, I'll be done with instability of life ,, I'll be done with the exhausting dreamless sleeps ,, DONE !!

Although if I would have just stopped for a glance , replaced the the quirky malfunctioning instantaneous human brain with my original full functioning one , I would have realized that I'm not even close to the way out . For sure , I'll be getting rid of a huge load soon , but this doesn't mean that I'm free , this doesn't mean that the coaxialsinosoidaldiffrentiocircular mind maze will be solved . This just means that I would have a little more space to think of a solution . The generation of the tiny door idea got me through the past week ( which is something that I don't regret ) , but the exaggerated expectation of mind relief that I built up inside my mind turned out to be a 100% false after reaching that tiny door causing a disastrous mental break down .

STUDYING THE FILM-STRIP OF THE PAST 7 DAYS IN DEPTH SHOWS :

If your living through a hard time , your brain simulates your life as a sequential series of boxes arranged in an ascending manner inside each other . You reside inside the smallest box of your life and start drawing a door out of it , strive to reach it until you actually do , and that's when you actually realize that you're now in a slightly larger box , clueless about the door out . And the loop continues . ( Infinite Loop )

After realizing that this is the case ,, that you can't break the loop's code ,, that you'll always try reaching the imaginary door you draw .. You know by heart that you need a miracle to get out ,, and you wait ..

Day 8 : MISSING PACEMAKER

Observation : Sinusoidal Malfunction ..

Illustration : Life Parametric Error ..

Result : Unstabilized Condition ..

Conclusion : URGENT MAINTENANCE & REPAIR REQUIRED !

"The natural pacemaker of the heart is the sinus node, one of the major elements in the cardiac conduction system, the system that controls the heart rate. This stunningly designed system generates electrical impulses and conducts them throughout the muscle of the heart, stimulating the heart to contract and pump blood."

Every single person has his\her personal pacemaker ,, a pacemaker that might change every now and then but is always there to regulate the "pace" of life . "For every action there's a reaction" , a reaction that wont always be spontaneous and even if it was ( ironically ) will always follow the pace of life .

Sometimes you might feel that recently ,, the harmony has been distorted ,, the symphony doesn't make sense anymore and that things haven't been following the track of life .. ---------> PACEMAKER MALFUNCTION

Unlimited reasons might cause such a condition and once you realize that your life starts reforming into the "vampire" like life you never thought one day it would turn to , a life thirsty for stability by any means whatsoever , weak and vulnerable . You start allocating all the available mind resources to work on building back the required stability ,, work on repairing the "pacemaker" of life ..

In your journey you will definitely suffer a lot ,, you might fall ,, you might breakdown . But you will always know that what you're searching for is worth dying for . PEACE ..

Day 6 & 7 : Need of change

Observation : Keep on looking back , you keep losing track ..

Illustration : Once upon a time these words came to life ..

Result : Lyrics engraved at the back of your mind guaranteeing a relief once you recall them .

Conclusion : You can get attached to the words more than their meaning because once you start losing the meaning , the bond gets you back to your senses .

( Bashar : this was great )

( Fade In )

Chorus :

So get up and get her back , get up and get her back

Get up and get her back

Keep on looking back , you keep losing track

Of everything that you ever wanted

Keep walking in others shoes , you'll only lse

Everything that you ever wanted

Chorus :

So get up and get her back , get up and get her back

Get up and get her back

Chase your dreams , try to find her

Cause that's how you can get , everything that you ever wanted

And when you find her go tell her , that you've always loved her

That's everything that you ever wanted

Chorus :

So get up and get her back , get up and get her back

Get up and get her back

(Fade Out )

Day 3 , 4 & 5 : Reliving memories

Observation : History is an option ..
Illustration : If you recall " some " past events ,, your present might change ..
Result : Reliving the good moments shall ease hard times ..
Conclusion : Always remember that you will always recall the good times out of anything , and that one day this will help you pursue happiness ..
Close the door , turn off the lights & start repainting that picture buried deep inside . Feel the joy , forget your pain whilst living on the earth of now ..You may reach something inside that will help you continue living " the day "pursuing happiness ..

Day 2 : It's not clear

Observation : The way out isn't still clear ..
Illustration : Getting out of this mood is not going to happen in the near future ..
Result : Daily "Instant" happiness is the key for a peaceful sleep ..
Conclusion : @Nivin Ashraf , a friend u respect and adore made ur day :)
A good talk with a friend that you really value , love , respect and adore can truely make life easier . For me , this talk made me think " it's unfair to promise that i'll do my best to get better and not even work on it " I'm working on it and i'll get through " the day " with a smile on my sleeping face .

Day 1 : It's not always about you

Observation : Happiness isn't that hard ..
Illustration : You can find happiness in the eyes of a friend and share it ..
Result : Sleep in peace for a night ,, a friend made your day ..
Cocnlusion : It's not always about you ...
Today , I made it very clear to myself that although nothing special happened for me that might get me to sleep peacfully . I lived the true feeling of relif & joy with a friend , I shared the feeling just because of the bond called friendship and that got me to a pretty good closure for " the day " ..